The Ill road

I'm back at the edge again

a hundred candles melted down

a series of moments colliding into one another 

too many problems to solve 

to much information to sort through a growing storm 

I'm not sure I can survive what is forming overhead, 

but the clouds continue to darken

waves crash below,

a cycle that never ends,

the ocean at my door 

I dream of my racing heart and guarded muscles softening,

to take a deep breath,

to feel without pain,

to live without scarring 

I wish for a gentleness to wash over me,

I beg for kind rain,

a nourishing downpour,

a light to break through the clouds,

for the sun to not lose itself 

for my life to not be eclipsed 

one night leads to another,

there is no daybreak, 

there are listening ears but no hands to hold,

no embrace deep enough to melt my heart 

I sit here at the cliffs edge like a statue, 

there are no more moves left to play but to continue forward. 

to keep blindly hoping for warmth

For a moment that my shoulders could soften,

my jaw unclench,

my restless heart slow. 

why can't I have just a moment, 

I need rest not sleep,

I need care not just a witness,

I need life not just living

before I am back here again